Never Look Back
by idontknowanything
Summary: Over time, Emma and Jay go from enemies to friends to something more what happens when Sean comes back and wants another chance with the girl whose heart he broke so long ago? Long oneshot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, ect.

AN I should be working on Redemption or my one shot series, but a line got stuck in my head and I had to make up a story around it. The line that caused this story creation is the last line of dialog in the story. Anyway, yes this is a Sean/Emma/Jay triangle cliché. I hope it is a GOOD Sean/Emma/Jay triangle cliché! I originally started to plan this with the idea that Emma leaves both of the guys, but during the writing, one of the characters convinced me to let him win the girl in the end. So, here it is! This is a very long one-shot (It has as many words as 3 or 4 chapters in a chapter fiction usually do) So, enjoy! For Emma/Jay fans – this is romantic. For Sean/Emma fans – this is angst. I guess I just gave away who gets the girl in the end, didn't I? This is written with a series of different moments in time. It takes place in a span of 2 years, starting 2 weeks in to Grade 11 and ending with the graduation of Emma's class. 7/18/05 -- I'm editing this for formatting errors (it didn't post the dividers I had between the different moments in time, which made it really hard to read and understand, Sorry!), some minor typos and mispellings, and I added a few extra lines in last part to make it a little more clearer what is going on in that last part.

Summary: I will admit it, I wrote a Sean/Emma/Jay love triangle. Premise of the story is pretty typical – Emma and Jay get together in season 5 – what happens when Sean comes back?

The line that started it all: "When you put someone up on a pedestal, they are bound to fall off, aren't they?"

Never Look Back

"C'mon Greenpeace." He said as he drove his car beside her on the street, going slow enough to keep beside her as she walked on the sidewalk, trying to ignore him. "I just want to talk." He said.

"You honestly don't expect me to believe that Jay." Emma stated, as she stopped walking, turning to face him in his vehicle. She was surprised he didn't have the usual confidant, "I'm cool and I know it" smirk on his face. In fact, if anything, he looked rather subdued.

"Emma, I just want to tell you something." Jay said.

"I know you had gonorrhea, Jay. I was smart enough to figure that out BEFORE I went to the health unit and found out I had gotten it from YOU as well." Emma said, and started to turn and walk away.

Jay was starting to get rather angry. He had spent the first 2 weeks of this school year trying to track Emma down to apologize, only to find himself being avoided. Which he really didn't know how she managed to avoid him so completely, as they shared quite a few classes now, as he hadn't gotten enough credits in summer school to be in Grade 12 after he was expelled last year. Somehow, Emma always managed to be with friends, or in groups of people, and he had been unable to catch her alone. Which was why he was spending his evening off from the Dot following her home trying to convince her to talk to him.

"Look, Emma, I'm sorry, okay!" Jay practically yelled. "That's all I have been trying to tell you!" he stated. Emma stopped walking again at his words, and turned around to look at him, with a look of shock on her face.

"I'm sorry, Emma." Jay said. "Consider yourself lucky. I never apologize." He joked, and if Emma hadn't known better, she would have thought he was nervous. She was still in shock that Jay Hogart had actually apologized. But she had heard through the school's gossip mills (or in her case, Paige told Manny, who then told her) that Jay had actually apologized to Alex (which was rewarded with nasty right hook, the effects of which were still pretty obvious on the face of the boy in front of her) and he and Spinner had also tried to apologize to Jimmy for the whole paint and feathers thing.

"Apology accepted." Emma said. "But it wasn't all your fault, Jay. I chose to do it." She said.

"Do we have a truce now, Greenpeace? Because your friends glaring at me all the time are really starting to tick me off." Jay said.

"When have we ever had a truce, Jay?" Emma asked, and Jay laughed a little bit at that.

"Well, I'm calling one today, Greenpeace. I'll even give you a ride home to prove it." Jay said.

Emma remembered the last time she had accepted a ride home from him, and everything that had happened afterward. She started to shake her head no to decline his offer, but something stopped her. And she walked around to the passenger side of the vehicle, and opened the door. Emma Nelson, the girl who always gave everyone a second chance, was back.

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The students at Degrassi should have had a lot on their minds. Tests, a dance coming up, a new principal had just taken over the school midway through the school year -- instead, the student body was rather focused on discussing the latest and what most of the student body felt was the strangest coupling the school had ever seen. The couple they were talking about, was, of course, rather oblivious to the speculation they were causing, as they were currently in the library studying. Or at least one of them was trying to study.

"Jay, come on. We need to study for Kwan's test next class." Emma said to her new boyfriend, who was currently paying more attention to playing with her hair, than he was the subject matter they were supposed to be studying together.

"Emma, you studied all last night." Jay said. "You need to relax."

"I didn't study all last night, because SOMEONE kept distracting me." Emma said, and Jay got a smirk on his face as he remembered exactly how much he had enjoyed "distracting" her.

Emma saw his smirk and she couldn't help herself. She smiled back at him, as she remembered how much she had enjoyed their study session last night.

Emma still couldn't believe it, but somehow Jay had become one of her closest friends following that day he had apologized to her at the beginning of the school year. Jay had spent this school year trying to prove to everyone that people could change – that he wasn't as bad and as heartless as he had appeared. Sure, there were lots of times he screwed up – he had a little bit of a temper, and a way with words that was guaranteed to rub some people the wrong way – but Jay was trying to be more than just the "bad boy" of the school. Through all of this, Emma had started to understand him, and had become his friend. Emma had also discovered that in Jay, she had found one of those rare few people who understood her – both the good and the bad – and liked her in spite of her faults.

It had started as a friendship, a very rocky friendship at first, due mainly to their past history and tendency to disagree about quite a few things. But somehow, they had become very close, until one day a week ago, Emma had kissed him. It was a spur of the moment, in the heat of the moment type of thing – one second they were both leaning close as she looked over his homework that was on the coffee table in front of them, and in the next, she had leaned in and her lips had touched his. From that moment on, they had become a couple.

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"I'm going to miss you this summer, Jay." Emma said, as they sat side by side on the couch in her living room. Her mom and dad were out for the evening celebrating her mother's pregnancy, and Emma had volunteered to baby-sit Jack. Jay, of course, had volunteered to come help baby sit Jack, and had actually helped Emma give Jack a bath, causing a lot of laughter as Jay came out of the experience even wetter than Jack was.

"Yeah, sure, summer in LA interning for Caitlyn Ryan. Movie stars, rock stars, politicians… you're going to forget I exist." Jay joked, as he searched for the television remote.

"I'm not going to trade you in for someone famous. Especially since I already asked Caitlyn if she could introduce me to Justin Timberlake, but she doesn't have those kind of connections." Emma said with a smile. "I'm sorry, but I'd HAVE to trade you in for Justin Timberlake." She joked.

Jay pretended to be shocked. "You would trade me in for that?" he asked. "And here I thought you loved me." he joked.

Emma got serious all the sudden. "I do." She said.

"What?" Jay said, slightly confused.

"I do love you." Emma said.

Jay stared at her for a moment, then put his arms around her and embraced her. He held on to her tightly, looking over her shoulder as he stared out into space for a moment.

"I'll miss you, too." He said as he hugged her, before he leaned in to kiss her.

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"Jay, what do you really feel for me?" Emma asked, as she sat in the passenger seat of his car. Her hair was disheveled after a particularly  
heated make-out session.

"What's this all about, Emma?" Jay snapped. He wasn't exactly in the mood to talk at the moment. He was frustrated. Very, very frustrated, and a certain part of his body was reminding him it was probably time to take Emma home so he indulge in the very, very cold shower he desperately needed.

"I just want to know. What do you feel for me?" she asked. "I mean, I know you obviously like me, and you love making out with me, but what do you really feel for me?"

"Emma, you KNOW how I feel about you." Jay said.

"Actually, I don't. You've never told me how you feel about me. You never tell me how you feel about ANYTHING." Emma stated.

"Emma…" Jay started, hesitating for a moment. "You know I'm not exactly a talk about your feelings type of guy."

"I know, Jay. I know you have a hard time talking about your feelings. But I can't keep going on like this. I NEED to know how you feel about me." Emma said.

Jay sat silently for a moment, staring out into space. He said nothing for a long time, as Emma sat there silently, watching him. He still said nothing, and Emma sighed. "Just take me home, now, ok." She said.

Jay continued to stare out the front window, and made no move to start the car.

Emma watched him for a moment more with sad eyes. She then put her hand on his on the steering wheel. "Jay, I love you, but that's not enough. I CAN'T keep going on like this. It's over." She said.

Jay turned his head and looked at her in shock.

"What?" Jay said angrily. "You can't do this!" He yelled.

Emma just looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Emma, no. I… I…. What do you want from me?" Jay yelled.

"Jay, you KNOW what I want… what I need in this relationship." Emma yelled right back at him.

Jay hesitated, and stared at Emma for a moment.

"Jay, just take me home, now." Emma said.

"I love you, ok. I love you." Jay said angrily. "I don't want to break up, ok."

" Just tell me what you want to hear." He said sadly, as he put his head in his hands on the steering wheel. "Just tell me what you want to hear. He whispered into his hands.

"I love you was all I needed to hear, Jay." Emma said, and touched the top of his head. He picked his head up off the steering wheel and looked at her, smiling at him. She put her arms around him, and leaned in and began kissing him. As Jay pulled apart from the kiss, Emma reached for her purse with her other hand, and pulled a small packet out of the front pocket of her purse and handed it to him.

Jay looked at what she had handed him in shock. "Are you sure?" He asked, looking into her eyes. She slowly and deliberately nodded "yes" as she pulled him back to her for a kiss.

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The boy walked into the school he had avoided for so long. He really didn't have a choice but to come back now – his mom and dad were back to their old habits, and he had decided it would be better if he came to live with Tracker, who was currently back in Toronto and living and working there. Sean hadn't wanted to transfer halfway through his last year, but there was no way he could have stayed with his parents the way things were there.

So, Sean Cameron had found his way back to Degrassi, 2 years after he had left to try to deal with what had happened. He had long since accepted what had happened here, and had moved on with his life. From what he understood, everyone else had moved on with their lives, too. He still kept in contact with his ex-girlfriend, who was currently happily attending college with her current boyfriend, who, kind of ironically, was a person who he had once considered to be his worst enemy, way back in junior high. But Ellie was happy, so he was happy for her.

She really hadn't kept him up-to-date on the people he would be coming back to attend school with. She had said vaguely something about Manny dating somebody, and Toby had found another girlfriend, and J.T and Liberty had finally gotten together shortly after he left, and were still going strong the last she heard. That was about all he had heard from her about his classmates. Which was why he was completely surprised when he walked into his first class and found Spinner Mason there. Sure, Spinner wasn't exactly the smartest person in the world, but he wasn't failing when Sean had left.

"Sean!" Spinner said. "You're back!"

"Yeah" Sean said.

"Me and Jay were expelled 2 years ago, but we were allowed to come back last year, but we lost a year." Spinner rambled.

"Well, at least I'll have Jay around." Sean thought to himself. "And Emma." Another little voice in his mind whispered.

"Sorry, man. At least they let you come back." Sean said.

"I'm sorry, Sean. I did the whole paint and feathers thing." Spinner said.

"Spinner, I was Jay's best friend. As if I didn't figure it out that you and Jay had done it because of the whole tagging thing." Sean said, as he rolled his eyes. Spinner never changed.

"Well, sorry, anyway." Spinner said.

"Cameron! My man! Never thought I'd see you here again." Said a voice behind him.

"Jay!" Sean said. "I never thought I'd see you here again either. Thought you were a year ahead of me."

"Well, Spinner here got us both expelled." Jay said with a smile, indicating he was joking. He and Spinner had gotten over the whole expulsion and losing a year of school a while ago.

"So what have you and Alex been up to." Sean asked.

Jay looked at him and started laughing. "Buddy, you really need to get caught up around here. Alex dumped me a long time ago. I've moved on. I have a new girl now"

Sean shook his head. He should have expected that Jay and Alex wouldn't be together anymore. Couples rarely last 3 years in high school. Although he and Emma had come close, if you didn't count their mid-relationship break-ups. "If you hadn't been such a screw-up jerk, you might even still have Emma." Sean thought to himself.

"So, Jay, who's your new girl?" Sean asked.

Jay was interrupted in his answer by the arrival of Ms. Kwan.

"Guess I'll find out later." Sean thought to himself, and immediately forgot about Jay's new girl as he became immersed in schoolwork.

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"Cameron! Come sit with us." Yelled a voice in the noise of the crowded cafeteria.

Sean walked over to the table where Jay was sitting with a very strange assortment of people. JT, Liberty, Manny, Toby, and Spinner all sat at the table with Jay, along with a couple of people Sean didn't know. Sean shook his head as if to clear it. The same people were still at the table. The only thing he could guess was that Jay was going out with Manny now.

"Sean!" exclaimed Manny. "Jay told us you were back! You can sit next to me." she said.

Sean looked at the seating arrangements. He was rather confused. If he were to sit in the spot Manny indicated, it would mean he would be sitting between Manny and Jay. Which meant Manny wasn't Jay's new girl, Sean guessed. So Sean was again left wondering who Jay's new girl was, and why Jay was suddenly claiming Liberty, Toby, and JT and cool enough to eat lunch with him.

He was sitting in the seat at the table, when he saw her. Long, blond hair, tall, long-legged body, beautiful brown eyes – it seemed like Emma had gotten even more beautiful since he had last seen her. Then Emma smiled, and he felt like the breath was knocked out of him, just like the first time he had seen her back in junior high. Emma Nelson was the perfect girl, and part of him had always loved her. She was his angel.

"Hi Sean!" Emma said as she came near. As soon as she came close enough, she hugged him. Sean breathed in deeply, and smelled her scent – a mix of vanilla and flowers that he had always remembered, even a long time after he had broken up with her.

"Now, none of that, Emma. Hugging your ex-boyfriends, I'm going to have to go hug one of my ex-girlfriends." Jay joked, smiling at Emma.

Emma let go of Sean and went to sit beside Jay, putting her arm around him and kissing his cheek. "I'd like to see you try to hug one of your ex-girlfriends. You'd probably end up with a black-eye." She said. The rest of the people at the table laughed, remembering Alex's famous right hook.

Sean didn't laugh. He was looking back and forth between Jay and Emma in shock. Of all the changes he had expected to see upon coming back, he had never expected this.

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Sean sat on the couch with Emma, working on their science project together. Jay had to work, so Sean was finally getting some time alone with Emma. He had been waiting for a while to be alone with her. It had taken about 3 weeks of being around her again for him to fall in love with her again. Or if he wanted to be honest – it had taken 3 weeks for him to admit that he had never really fallen out of love with her.

So Sean had decided that today was the day he was going to tell her that he wanted another chance. They were alone, on the couch, with the remains of a large cheese pizza sitting on the table in the kitchen. All of this brought back memories of when they were together, before Sean had dumped her.

He held onto the fact that she had forgiven him, because he was hoping he would be able to convince her to give up Jay for him. He thought she might, too, because in his mind he had built up Jay and Emma's relationship as her way of trying to replace him, her first love.

"So, Emma, -- you and Jay… How did that happen?" Sean asked.

Emma looked up from the book she had been looking through and smiled.

"We became friends. Then we realized we wanted more." Emma said.

"But when did you become friends." Sean asked. "The last I saw, you guys hated each other."

"Well, we didn't really start as friends." Emma said, and got an uncomfortable look on her face.

"You can tell me anything, Emma." Sean said.

She sighed. "Well, after the shooting, I… well I had a lot of trouble handling things." She said. "I was really eaten up with guilt about everything, and I just couldn't handle it."

"I know what you mean." Sean said. "I was in horrible shape for a while after I went to Wasaga."

"Well, I kind of went to the ravine with Jay." Emma said.

"To clean it up or something? I would have liked to see you convince Jay to do that." Sean said.

"No, Sean. I went to the ravine, at night, and, well, I earned a bracelet from him." She said.

Sean looked at her in shock. He knew all about the whole bracelet thing. It was something some of the kids in Wasaga were doing, too. Girls performed sexual acts with a guy to get a bracelet to wear like a badge of honor or something. Personally, Sean found the whole thing rather pathetic.

"You're joking, right?" Sean asked. "You had sex with him for a bracelet?"

"Well it wasn't real sex. But I guess it was close enough. I got gonorrhea." She said.

Sean again looked at her in complete shock. He had a good idea what kind of "not real sex" Emma was talking about, and really couldn't ever picture her doing that to anyone, let alone with Jay for a silly bracelet. And gonorrhea – he couldn't believe it. And she was dating him, now?

"He gave you gonorrhea? Real romantic. What a great story to tell your grandkids. We met in a van in a ravine and he gave me an STD." Sean said sarcastically.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Well, you wanted to know!" she exclaimed. "Anyway, we didn't speak after that whole thing, and he got expelled, so I really didn't see him the rest of the year."

"But how did you get together then?" Sean asked. But somehow, Sean knew. One of Emma's famous second chances was responsible. He used to love her ability to give people second chances – in fact he had enjoyed the benefits of her second chances once upon a time.

"Well, he apologized the beginning of the next school year, and we started to become friends. And after a while, we went from friends, to good friends, to extremely close friends, and next thing you know, we were a couple." Emma said.

"Are you happy with him?" Sean asked.

Emma smiled. "Of course I am. I love him." She said.

And Sean suddenly remembered she had never said she had loved him, when they were going out. She had said she liked him, and he knew she had loved him – but she had never said it to him.

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It was graduation day and a beautiful, bright, and sunny day had dawned for the Degrassi students. It was a beautiful ceremony, and Liberty had given a very moving and tear inducing speech from the podium. That tearjerker speech was the reason Emma was currently using the side view mirror of her boyfriend's car to fix her ruined eye make-up. Her boyfriend was currently off celebrating with a very exuberant Spinner by the pool.

"Emma, can we talk?" Sean asked from behind her.

Emma turned from the mirror and walked towards Sean.

"Sure." She said with a smile.

"Why did we break up?" Sean asked.

"You dumped me, remember?" Emma said, as she rolled her eyes.

"I remember you were so perfect. So good at everything. And I was just your loser boyfriend." Sean said.

"I don't remember it that way, Sean." Emma said. "I'm not perfect. I have never been perfect. Nobody is perfect, Sean."

"You are, Emma. You are so … good. Why are you with someone like Jay? You are way too good for him." Sean said.

"Sean, that was always part of our problem. You put me up on a pedestal as some perfect girl. And then proceeded to constantly remind yourself that you were not good enough for me. You could never see that you were good enough for me, and I was never too good for you." Emma said.

"I guess I did think of things that way. You're the perfect girl and I was the screw-up." Sean said.

"Why did you want to talk about that, Sean? Us… we're ancient history." Emma said.

Sean hesitated a moment before he spoke.

"Emma, I still love you." He said.

Emma looked at him in shock. A couple of years ago, that would have been all she wanted to hear. She would have dumped Chris and never looked back. But she had meant what she had said. She had moved on. She loved Jay. Her and Sean were ancient history.

"Sean." Emma started, and was surprised when Sean closed the gap between them and tried to kiss her.

"Let go, Sean." Emma said.

He let go of her, and moved back.

"Sean, I love Jay." Emma said.

Sean had heard her say it before, but had really never believed it. Now, he was starting to believe her.

"Emma, Jay isn't good enough for you!" Sean said angrily.

"And you are?" Emma asked, calmly.

Sean started to answer, then stopped. Even after all this time had passed, he still couldn't say yes to that question. He still didn't feel like he was good enough for her.

"Sean, you remember what I said before, about you always put me up on some kind of pedestal as the perfect girl. You're still doing it. And I never wanted to be up on a pedestal." Emma said, with a sad look on her face.

Sean stared at her, mute, as her words finally started to sink in.

"But Emma…" Sean started.

"When you put someone up on a pedestal, they are bound to fall off, aren't they?" she said, as she turned and walked away. Sean just watched her go. If she had looked back at him, even once, he would have tried to stop her, and reason with her – he would have tried to convince her that she still loved him, and that it would work this time. But she didn't look back, not even once. She walked away, and never looked back. And deep inside, Sean knew she never would, no matter how much he wanted her to. She'd truly moved on, and she would never look back.


End file.
